what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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