After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
