DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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