I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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