I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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