yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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