bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
