i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
