Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
