Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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