Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
