No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
