my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
