does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
