My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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