I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
