the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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