so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
