apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
