No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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