Swine flu. Run for my life!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
