In the future we'll all be gay
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
