Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
