i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
