my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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