u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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