So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
