the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
