I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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