"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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