Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
