Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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