Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
