can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
