She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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