yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She announced her abortion via fbk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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