I'd wear matching sweaters with you
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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