Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
