i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
