I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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