My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
