im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
