There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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