Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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