u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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