I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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