it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
