There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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