I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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