can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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