I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
